seriously celebrities?

I'm not usually one to read US Weekly or keep up with the latest Hollywood gossip, but sometimes I catch a celebrity headline or story that must makes me stop and wonder, "What were they thinking?"  Since Britney's stopped swinging umbrellas and taking clippers to her head this hasn't happened as frequently, but recently I've seen quite a few. 

I can't help but ask "Seriously celebrities?"

The first offender:  Three-time Super Bowl MVP, Pro Football Hall of Famer Joe Montana.  The man played sixteen seasons in the NFL.  He won FOUR Super Bowls.  He's arguably the greatest quarterback ever to play the game. 

So, what's Cool Joe up to these days?  Promoting Sketchers Shape-ups.

Yep, Shape Ups.  The weird looking shoes that are supposed to give women, and now apparently men, a cute butt.  Seriously, Joe?  You're stumping for Sketchers?  LA Gear would be so disappointed to hear this.  There is so much more I could say about this, but The Onion has already done it for me.  Read and enjoy. 

Our next offender is a bit more predictable. 

Tori Spelling is no stranger to the Hollywood rumor mill and makes frequent tabloid appearances.  Usually it's her skin & bones physique or an outing with kids captured by the paparazzi which earns her a mention on Perez Hilton.  This time though, she's really outdone herself. 

Turns out, Tori Spelling can speak to the dead.

Or so she claims.  Tori Spelling says Farrah Fawcett contacted her after death.  That's right.  Apparently, through nutjob medium/physic John Edwards, Farrah reached out to Tori from the beyond and asked her to relay a message to Farrah's son.  Riiiiggghhhhtttt.

I have to ask, is she bat shit crazy or just trying to sell books?  Given her past reliance on the advice of a voodoo priestess {please, tell me you've read her books?}, I'm leaning towards batty.  But that's okay Tori, I love you anyway.  Your books are hilarious and if you make 10 more seasons of Home Sweet Hollywood, I'll watch them all. 

And finally, our last duo of offenders are a bit of a blast from the past. 

Break out your Trapper Keepers and slap bracelets ladies because Tiffany and Debbie Gibson are back!

In a duet that comes twenty years too late, Tiffany and Debbie Gibson have teamed up to "star" in a SyFy Saturday night movie to air next year about snakes on a mother fucking plane in the Everglades.  The movie is called - no joke - Mega Python vs. Gatoroid.  Seriously.  I can't make this stuff up.

If they were looking to revive their careers, I'm pretty sure they would have done better touring small time arenas in middle America sporting acid wash denim and taking turns singing "I Think We're Alone Now" and "Lost In Your Eyes."  Now that would be a show.

I know two people who should fire their agents. Immediately.

There you have it, the latest edition of "Seriously celebrities?"  With all the good material coming out of Hollywood, it probably won't be the last.